Τρίτη, Σεπτεμβρίου 26, 2006

An Open Letter to George Clooney

Dear George,

You were only barely Batman then, and you certainly aren't now.

Sincerely,

The Mango

P.S. You're right. We don't want you in politics.

Πέμπτη, Σεπτεμβρίου 14, 2006

The Mango "Genius Test"

CNN's running a big special on geniuses this weekend, and consequently has the requisite "Are You A Genius?" quiz on its website. Which is great and all, except that the questions look suspiciously like they were ripped off the math section of the PSAT, which says some very sad things about the educational system in this country, if you ask me.

In response to this, I present the official Resplendent Mango Test of Genius, based on my highly unscientific personal observations. Give it a shot. Be honest.

1) Are you currently or have you ever been on medications provided by your mental health professional?

2) Can you locate every Civil War (or WWII or Klingon or Chess Showdown) battle location on a map, yet cannot locate your keys?

3) Do people frequently have not a clue about what you are talking?

4) When you present an idea, do people pause, blink, then say, "Huh?"

5) Have you ever been brought to tears by the plight an object such as rainforests, manatees, nuns, clowns, glaciers, or tiki torches?

6) Are you unable to maintain a single thread of conversation for more than 2 minutes before leaping to another topic that is only related in ways that you understand.

7) Do you become frustrated when others fail to see the completely obvious solutions to a problem which may or may not have yet manifest itself?

8) Do you become extremely obsessed with things? People? Activities? Controlled substances?

9) Do you basically refuse to do things that you do not find interesting?

10) Can you say yes to all of these questions about your best friends as well as yourself?

11) Are you basically good at everything you try, except for those things about which you don't care?

12) Could you be described as eclectic, eccentric, or both?

13) Have you ever been described as a smartalec, smartass, or wisenheimer?

14) Were you an annoying child?

15) Did people give you books to shut you up? Do they still?

Scoring: For every question to which you answered "No" give yourself zero points. For every question to which you answered "Yes" give yourself one point. For every question you answered with multiple, possibly contradictory sentences, give yourself 5 points. 10 if they were funny.

What did you score?