Thoughts, politics, soapbox rampages, amusing quotes, and excellent names for rock bands.
I've been following the race for House Majority Leader, and I've decided I feel strongly enough about the outcome that I'd like to call my representative and express the opinion that under no circumstances should Roy Blunt win.
This, despite the tragedy involved, is quite possibly the best news story ever:
The Swedish chef from the Muppet Show created a world-famous stereotype of laid-back Scandinavian cooks. But a disagreement between two chefs in a Gothenburg canteen has left that image in the soup.Now, not included in this story, but mentioned in the Metro article in which I originally saw it, was the cause of the argument. Was the argument over:
The pressure of cooking seems to have got to the pair, whose bitter row boiled over into a full-blown punch-up. The fight only ended when one of the cooks apparently tried to drown the other in a 300 litres of boiling rice pudding.
One of CNN.com's current headlines reads, "Hamas' past casts cloud over the peace process."
Okay, "The Office" really has perfected the art of toying with my emotions.
I just wrote a kickass song called "Conspiracies and Mysteries". How much do you wish you were me right now?
Yesterday I went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art with a friend who is a liberal despite, or more likely, because of the fact that he has absolutely no awareness of what's going on in the world.
This is exceptionally good news: The Office has been renewed for a third season. Yay!
I'm a bit ashamed to announce it, but the most exciting part of my evening, by far, is the discovery that 'alive' and 'arrive' rhyme.
QandO has a great post about a blogger conference call with the various options for House Majority Leader, which basically boils down to, "For the love of God, not Roy Blunt." As a native Missourian and someone who voted for Blunt, I have to say -- I couldn't agree with you more.
Tonight, 9:30 ET/8:30 CT, NBC. The Office. The best show you're not watching. Unless you're Mike. In which case you are watching. Take the half an hour. It's worth it. I promise.
Cross a pug and a beagle and what do you get? A monochromatic, angry-looking beagle.
You may now stop congratulating yourselves for your bravery for writing, directing, acting in, and fawning over gay-oriented films such as Capote and Brokeback Mountain. To hear you talk about it, you'd seriously think that no one has ever made a gay movie before, or if they had, they'd been met by picketers and firebombs.
Did someone just say "as the Reverend Journalist Edward R. Murrow"?
I'm sure Joaquin Phoenix was fabulous in Walk the Line but it had no business in the comedy/musical catagory. A biopic about a singer is, almost always, a movie with songs. That does not make it a musical. A musical is where people burst into song to express their feelings. Walk the Line is not a musical. It's also a bit weird to group musicals in with comedies, because, since about 1960, the two have not been synonymous, and in the end, the funny guys end up getting gypped. Which is generally the case. Who entertains me more -- an actor doing an "important" role or an actor doing a funny role? The funny guy. But who gets rewarded? The important actor. Which is a pity, because the funny guys give much better acceptance speeches.
I refuse to see any movie that declares itself (or is declared by any member of the creative or artistic team) to be "important."
Did I just hear them give a Best Foreign Film Golden Globe to the movie Paradise Now from the country Palestine?
We get to hear an acceptance speech in a beautiful Irish accent. Yay.
Steve Carell just won the Golden Globe for The Office. Yay!
Man: "Do you sell motor oil?"
Really the only decent rhyme* for "Thank you" is "spank you", which is not ideal in the context of a father-daughter song, especially when used by the daughter. And especially when it's not a comedy song. To borrow an expression from a friend, any song that uses the phrase "spank you" ceases to be a drama and is simply an ugly comedy.
The trouble with writing at 3:34 in the morning is that my schlock-filter tends to be down. Granted, when you're trying to write a semi-frank to frank love song, that's actually pretty helpful in getting started. I mean, it's one thing if you're trying to write an indirect love song -- you can write about pancakes or whatnot. But all of the really good ways of telling someone you love them have been taken. Repeatedly. By the likes of Barry Manilow. And that hurts. Which is why I write love songs at 3:37 AM. It dulls the pain.
There's really nothing like getting to the point where you now have to write the 11 o'clock number. Because it has to be a humdinger. And it has to be new material. I mean, one of the nice things about writing a second act is that you have a lot of material from which to draw reprises. But no. The 11:00 has to be soaring, heartbreaking, uplifting, and entirely original. And, in this case, it has to be this stirring, joyous reunion, that is also somewhat bittersweet. There's nothing that kills the creative vibe like that kind of expectations.
For hours of procratinatory fun, go check out Fametracker, which is probably the funniest, best-written celebrity-oriented website I've ever seen. Lots of great sections, including the "Hey, It's That Guy!" section, the "Fame Audit" section, the "Galaxy of Fame" section, and my personal favorite, "Celebrity vs. Thing", in which the author debates the relative merits of, say, Tom Hanks versus those of bath puffs, of Steve Carell vs.wristwatches, Catherine Zeta-Jones versus bagels, Billy Bob Thorton vs. tealights, Taye Diggs vs. supermarket belt-dividers, Orlando Bloom vs. Roombas etc. Hilarious.
I think that this is good advice. I'd add that if you're overcome by the sheer hilarity of the mental picture, he's also probably not the one.
I realize that most of you live far away and can't do this, but if you're in the area, run, don't walk, to the Pixar exhibit at MOMA. If I were a visual artist, I'd kill to work there. When you see the range of artwork put together for each movie, just to figure out each color, line, character, etc, it's just amazing. What it appears that they do is give all of their artists the story, and set them loose to make art inspired by it. Collage, sculpture, pastels, watercolors, marker cartoons, whatnot. Just trying to get to the essence of the idea from any possible angle. It's amazing, and unbelievably beautiful. You can see where the level of care and artistry in each of the movies comes from. I can't recommend it highly enough.
Okay, I have a confession to make. I really, REALLY love NBC's "The Office". Yes, I'm sure it pales in comparison to the British version, which I have chosen not to see. I love it anyway. Oh, iTunes, precious iTunes, thank you for bringing it to me.
Remember what I said about pensions being so my-grandma? Well, now Fortune is saying it too.
It really is over for the corporate pension. Now that IBM has opted out, telling employees last week that their pension benefits will be frozen in 2008, it's hard to see what's to stop every last American corporation from preparing its eventual exit from the pension business. Lots of reasonably healthy companies -- Verizon, NCR, Lockheed Martin and Motorola, to name a few -- already have.To review, the MTA workers now get half-salary (upwards of 30k a year now, much higher in the future) from the time of their retirement at 55 till the time of their death, which could easily be upwards of 25 years later, a period of time in excess of that that they actually worked for the MTA. Just to point that out.
This phenomenon, along with the more dramatic cases of companies going bankrupt and defaulting on existing pension commitments (think United Airlines), has gotten tons of press, most of it of the "ain't it a shame" variety. But the real shame may be that we ever put so much faith in such an inherently unstable, unfair and economically perverse means of providing for retirement.
That's the problem with pension plans that promise a specific benefit in the future -- they amount, pension consultant Keith Ambachtsheer says, to a contract between current and future generations, and those future generations aren't represented at the bargaining table. As a result, they get stuck guaranteeing the retirement income of their elders while receiving nothing in return.See, THAT's the problem with social security too -- it's the whole pension issue writ large. It's also, fundamentally, the problem with pyramid schemes, which are really swell innovations, except if you're the sucker on the bottom. Which is what my generation is turning out to be. Bring on the private accounts! And in January of 2009, someone please grow a set and bring the MTA into the 21st century.
I really hate news stories about polls about facts. You know what I mean -- things with headlines like, "Poll: Majority of Americans Believe Moon is Cheese," or "Poll: Most Americans Think GWB Eats Only Okra for Breakfast," or, as in this current case, "Poll: Iraq won't be governing itself soon." My general belief is that headlines like this are a stealth way of reporting what the media would like you to believe but don't actually have the facts to back up. Because, contrary to what seems to be popular belief [Did you take a poll? --ed.], the governing abilities of Iraqis are not dependent on the beliefs of the American public, at least not in this sense.
The next time someone tells you that the American tendency to consider marriage to be a religious covenant is a relic from Puritan times, you can tell them they are wrong.
The Puritans of New England rejected all of these Anglican ideas. They believed that marriage was not a religious ceremony but a civil contract. They required that this covenant must be "agreed" or "executed" (not "performed" or "solemnized") before a magistrate, and not a minister. They also insisted that if the terms of the marriage covenant were broken, then the union could be ended by divorce. These attitudes became the basis of regional marriage customs throughout New England. But they were not invented in America, or even in England. William Bradford noted that they were established "according to the laudable custom of the low countries," with which East Anglian Congregationalists were in close communication. They were also briefly introduced in England by Oliver Cromwell's Civil Marriage Act of 1653.
And you thought your parents were strict:
The Puritan believed in the Calvinist Theory in which because of Adam’s original sin, all infants were naturally disposed to do evil things in the world. This led the Puritans to believe the utmost purpose of child rearing was what they called "breaking the will."I'm sorry, I realize I am a bad person for this, but I find the child-rolling thing hilarious.
Breaking the will typically involved strict attention to detail. Children would listen and observe the behavior of the adults. Puritan parents did not hesitate to use corporal punishment when necessary. These methods seem cruel, even by today’s standards. For example, restless children, who couldn’t sit still, would be rolled up into a ball, with the knees tied under their chins, and batted back and forth across the floor by the adults. Sometimes even the older children took part in this punishment.
Other examples of corporal punishment included hanging the child out of the window by his heels or forcing the child to kneel on sharp objects. Some children were forced to wear signs around their necks proclaiming their offenses. These signs would read "Little Lying Boy" or "Finger Biting Baby".
So apparently there are salamanders in Massachusetts. And the people of Massachusetts are committed to their salamanders, as evidenced in the following:
The spotted salamanders commonly seen in New England and the eastern United States are glossy black with two rows of bright yellow spots down their backs and tails. They can crawl up to half a mile. One night every spring they leave their underground forest homes and migrate to wetland ponds to breed. Salamanders are famous for their energetic "love dance." The females' eggs hatch quickly into larvae, and the larvae develop into young adults that emerge from their ponds in summer or early fall to migrate back to the forest. Unlike many amphibians, adults have a high survival rate.You know, I love amphibians as much as the next guy (no, really, I do. I had a frog that lived to be 19) but I would be a bit put off if I was, say, on my way to work or something and got stuck in a traffic jam caused by a bucket brigade transporting salamanders across the road. So I guess I would then be in favor of the underpass....
Every year after the first spring rains in Amherst, Massachusetts, volunteer "bucket brigades" used to stop traffic along Henry Street to carry migrating salamanders safely across the road.
That is, until the animals could cross on their own through two underpasses.
Two-lane Henry Street separates salamanders from the warm, fishless vernal pools (small temporary ponds) where they migrate every spring to mate and to lay their eggs. "Local residents knew when the salamanders would head for the pools," says wildlife biologist and consultant Tom Tyning. "They knew the prime conditions for migration - sustained rain, the beginning of a thaw, and temperatures above 42 degrees."
Those who came out to watch the nighttime migration noticed salamanders killed on the road. When word spread about the animals' plight, the British Fauna and Floral Preservation Society and ACO Polymer in Germany provided funds for an experimental tunnel project on Henry Street. The Amherst Department of Public Works, University of Massachusetts, Massachusetts Audubon Society, Hitchcock Center for the Environment (a local conservation group), and local residents worked together to make it happen.
In 1987 two tunnels, 200 feet (61 m) apart, were built at the salamanders' crossing site, and short "drift fences" were constructed to guide migrating salamanders into the tunnels. Each tunnel had a slotted top to let in light and provide the damp conditions salamanders need.
I'm looking for good Puritan terms of endearment. Preferably one that a mother would use for her child. Any ideas?
This is fascinating.
Like the Anglicans, the Puritans brought their customs to the New World. Perceiving the Anglican wedding customs as excessive, they had turned their backs on the belief that marriage was an unbreakable and mystical union blessed by God. To them, marriage was a civil contract and, if the rules were broken, dissolvable by humans.Never woulda guessed ANY of that.
Puritans believed that true love was the foundation of a good marriage. They allowed their children the “supervised freedom” to discover if those feelings existed. One of those “freedoms” was the custom of “bundling”. This practice, already existing in Holland, Wales and England, was based on lessening the inconvenience of the long distances traveled during courtship and encouraged prospective suitors to stay overnight. The couple was put to bed with a “bundling board” between them — the female’s legs wrapped in a “bundling stocking”. In some areas a girl’s social status was deeply affected if she didn’t have a “night visitor”, or if she was above the age of 18 and still at home. Called an old maid at 25, she was considered a “thornback” at 30!
When a Puritan finalized his choice of a mate, the “walking out” became official. This event was publicly acknowledged when the bride-to-be chose the text of the minister’s next sermon — an occasion equal to an Anglican bride choosing her wedding dress.
Totally Incongruous Ted Kennedy Thing Of Yesterday:
Democratic Sen. Edward Kennedy told Alito that his judicial opinions suggest otherwise.I'm sorry. I thought the general position of the Democratic party was that I do not know how to manage my life and therefore it should be regulated within an inch of it's life and then taxed heavily. Especially in MA. But I could be wrong...
"Time and again, even in routine matters involving average Americans, you give enormous, almost total deference to the exercise of governmental powers," said the Massachusetts senator.
PJ O'Rourke's review of the new Wonkette novel expresses the deepest desire of my heart:
Creative writing teachers should be purged until every last instructor who has uttered the words "Write what you know" is confined to a labor camp. Please, talented scribblers, write what you don't. The blind guy with the funny little harp who composed The Iliad , how much combat do you think he saw?I will not write a musical about composers, playwrights, directors, conductors, screenwriters, novelists, actors, filmmakers, poets, or similarly inclined folk, unless the aforementioned person has also done something interesting, like be eaten by cannibals. I accept that my own life, at least when I'm writing, is dull and uninteresting. What I write is interesting. Me eating a pomegranate on my futon while trying to envision a sex scene in a forest as observed, from the future, by the love child of the participants of said scene is not interesting. Sometimes I also scratch myself. This is not the stuff of high drama. Which is why my show is full of witches, devils, sex, hallucinogens, and lots of fire. ROCK! And some of my characters are illiterate, eliminating the risk that they'll suddenly develop an urge to write. Ah, the 1600s.
Here's the song in question from the previous "What meter do you prefer?" post. I'm going to let you see for yourself which you'd prefer. I've decided to go with the meter the song is actually in. It just makes more sense. But you don't have to take my word for it. Click on the thumbnail for a close-up.
...play from a score in which every other bar is 6/8 and rest are 5/4, and the beats fall at their proper locations within the bars, or would you rather play from a score in which all the bars are 4/4, but the beats fall in kinda screwy places in the bars?
E. M. Zanotti over at The American Princess mentioned that she wished she had a good nickname for Iran's President Ahmadinejad. I propose "Mad Nejad". Feel free to contribute other suggestions, or to use mine in your own writing.
I'm sure most of you have seen this by now, but one of the late Sago miners wrote a note to his family before he died. It read,
"Tell all -- I see them on the other side. It wasn't bad just went to sleep. JR I love you"His nephew, on CNN.com, said that his uncle had intended to say "I will see them..." and he's probably right. But I choose not to believe that. Pretty much my all-time favorite song is "How Glory Goes" from the musical Floyd Collins, which is when a caver, who has been trapped underground for three weeks, finally dies. I posted the entire lyric here a few years ago, and you should read it all, but the end is what matters here.
Only Heaven knows how glory goes, what each of use was meant to be.I realize that Adam Guettel and Chris Innvar have never died underground, but when I listen to "How Glory Goes," I almost believe the note as written. I hope the miners can see forever. I hope they have discovered Heaven, have found how glory goes.
In the starlight that is what we are.
I can see so far...
Today's NYT has an article that basically lays the blame for the suffering of the film industry on the lithe, hairless shoulders of Orlando Bloom. Which might be slightly unfair. Let's look at this.
IT was months before the cameras were set to roll on one of 20th Century Fox's most ambitious projects for 2005, a $140 million historic epic about the Crusades by the director Ridley Scott. And still there was no one to play the leading role of Balian. Mr. Scott had at first envisioned Russell Crowe, the scowling, muscled star of his "Gladiator" hit, to play the role of a blacksmith and reluctant Crusader in the Holy Land. But Mr. Crowe had other projects on his slate, and would not alter them to fit the director's timetable.Okay, I like looking at hot men as much as the next girl. But if you think I'm going to find a theatre that's playing (Troy/Kingdom of Heaven), show up at the time of the theatre's choosing, pay $12, sit in a theatre where I have to focus solely on the movie and not multitask, with no escape, for up to three hours, without a compelling story to show for it, you're crazy. I mean, yes, I love Lord of the Rings, and it's an epic, but it's an epic with a great story and rich, compelling, heartfelt characters. My general impression of Troy was that they had lots of hot men and lots of CGI ships. Which is great and all, but see above line of crazy.
It took four more months of searching by casting agents and Mr. Scott to settle on Orlando Bloom, the long-haired, doe-eyed young British actor who was high on Hollywood's list of hot new stars in the making. Mr. Bloom, who had won a fan base of teenage girls with his performance in the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy, and who was fresh off the set of another historical epic, Warner Brothers' "Troy," was the favored choice of Fox executives.
But as it turned out, "Troy" did not catch fire with the audience (not even the teenage girls), or with critics. And Mr. Bloom's next major outing, in Mr. Scott's "Kingdom of Heaven," was a bust, taking in just $211 million in ticket sales around the world, hardly enough to justify its production and marketing costs.
Next came the lead in Cameron Crowe's comic romance, "Elizabethtown," which pancaked at the box office when Paramount released it in the fall, and exposed Mr. Bloom to a withering verdict by movie critics.Okay. Elizabethtown sucked. Badly. Which was not strictly speaking his fault. I mean, can anyone tell me what it was about? Or the general idea? Or why the hell Susan Sarandon tapdanced at a funeral? Or why it felt like the longest, most wandering two hours of my life. I mean, yes, his acting was limited. But the writing wasn't helping. And I REALLY could have forgiven the bad acting if someone had attempted to tell some sort of coherent story.
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