Troll

Ah, I love the smell of well-reasoned discourse in the morning.

Lyric -- I Win

Okay, here, as promised, is a lyric. You're just going to have to imagine the joyful, driving music. Doubly so, because this song is about golf, and there aren't that many joyful, bombastic, driving songs about golf.

16) I WIN

DAD
Drop the ball
Putt it in
What’s your score
Par is four

KEV
I made one
That was fun
Ball goes in,
I win!

DAD
Drop the ball
Chip it on
Par is four

KEV
You had more

DAD
You had two
More than mine
But that’s fine
I win.

KEV + DAD
Hit the ball
From the tee

DAD
What’s the score
If this goes in?

KEV
I shot four
Look at me

DAD
I shot three
I win

KEV
You’re past the lake

DAD
Lucky break
Stunning drive

KEVIN
Par is five

I shot three

DAD
Way to be

KEV
What’s your score

DAD
I shot four
You win

KEVIN
Something you’ve
Never done
I got my
Hole in one
Long par three
Look at me

DAD
Way to go
Way to be

KEV
Ball went in
I win

BOTH
Under on par
Sixty-two
How nice it is
To team with you
Make it spin
Hit the pin
Ball goes in
Then we win

Copyright 2005

Weekend Update

So I'm going to New York this evening. I'll be returning to the scenic Berkshires one last time either tomorrow night or Tuesday morning. After that, only a week to go. I may survive this summer yet.

In other news, I'm writing a song cycle. It totally rocks my world. When you hear it, it will rock yours too. I may start posting lyrics soon.

But you can't steal them.

It's about men, men that I've known in the relatively brief time I've been alive. Friends, family, guys that I wanted to date but didn't, etc. It's for five performers, three women, two men. The women are, approximately, Katie, Katska (Young Katie), and The Other Woman. The men are Man and Older Man, and they play a variety of people. Man mostly serves as the men I've wanted to date that haven't wanted to date me, and then also as my brother. Older Man plays my dad, my grandpa, the older man who used to live across the street, a friend of mine, and the Lebanese guy who tried to seduce me on an airplane. Good times.

In case you were wondering what a song cycle is, it's a bunch of songs.

Overheard in the Living Room

Garrett: Is it a little weird to you that all that's left of Tyler [who just moved out] is a shirt and a latex glove?
Alex: Yeah, I've just been stepping over that.

Conversation of the Evening

Me: I live in a hallway
Mel: That's depressing.
Me: But I have curtains!
Mel: How very Brechtian.

Just In Case You Miss Me

I'm being furloughed down to NYC for two days. After two and a half months of towns of no more than 7000 people, I can't get there fast enough.

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday, Miss Doesn't-Have-Email.

Bees

At least we didn't have this problem. Note that they called a real exterminator.

The League of Magnificent Actors, I

So here's how we're gonna do this. I'm gonna say really nice things about the actors. But not their names. You're going to click on the links to figure out who I'm talking about. And then if anyone ever asks you about said actors, you can be like, "Yeah, I have it on good authority that he/she is a great person." And the world will be a little happier place.

This man is one of the most wonderful people I've ever met. Interesting life story, has had some rough stuff happen careerwise, but has stuck it out and is doing well. He's talented, funny, and just Good. He's the kind of actor who buys a couple cases of beer and leaves it in the fridge out in the set shop for the carpenters. Who shows up with pies for the people in the box office, the business office, and the stage hands. And he'll eat anything. In the capacity in which I knew him, this was the most endearing thing possible. An actor of the very highest quality. Also, he's very attractive. It's easier to count the women who aren't madly in love with him than to count the ones that are.

Speaking of which, this woman is a legend, and she's just a delight. Hilarious, sweet, and with a great accent, I love her to death. She could read the phone book and I would enjoy it. Actually, she could just look at the phone book, and I'd enjoy it. She doesn't even need the lines. Her comic timing is genius. And as great as she is, she's a good woman and smells amazing. She shows great kindness to stagehands. She knows who in the shop does what. Amazing woman.

And finally for tonight (there will be others, just not tonight), this woman and I bonded very much over the course of the show we did together. She's funny, she's totally a trooper, she's generous, and I'd do almost anything for her. And she's incredibly beautiful. And she has the world's coolest house. And awesome dogs. She reminds me of my mom, actually, in the best possible ways. There were days this summer when all I wanted to do was be ANYWHERE but here. This is the woman the reason I stayed.

That was relatively painless. Let's do it again sometime.

I Am MacGyver

My friend Beth always asserted that I could be stranded in the middle of the desert with nothing but a feather, a dead bee, and a roll of gaff tape and I'd have a fully functional shopping mall up and going within two weeks. She's not too far off.

At the special school I went to, every now and then, they'd set us loose with a huge pile of junk (Leggs Eggs, paper towel tubes, communion cups, etc), a roll of masking tape, and an objective (i.e. Build a structure that reaches the ceiling, will withstand a direct hit by a bowling ball, and weighs no more than 1 pound). I loved that. I think it was a combination of that and the scene in Apollo 13 (side note: I have now worked with Kevin Bacon. Feel free to use me the next time you play 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon) where they dump all the junk on the table and tell the engineers they have to use it to create an oxygen filter that made me want to be an engineer.

This is all to say that I've fashioned some pretty handy stuff out of the materials at hand this summer.

For example, last night, for opening night of Elegies, just about 20 minutes before the big performance, most of Great Barrington lost power. Not good. So we had to perform on emergency power only, which meant refocusing the emergency lights onto the stage, which was okay for seeing the actors, but the pianist remained in the dark. "I'm going backstage," I said, "to fashion Deborah a light out of gaff tape and ingenuity." Two mini-mags, a music stand, and some gaff tape later, our pianist was illuminated and the show went on.

My best invention this summer was a condensation catcher for the 'air-conditioner' in our dressing rooms/green room. It didn't really do a lot in the way of making the air cooler, but it did drain off a TON of water. Southern Massachusetts has a climate that is somewhat comparable to certain parts of Costa Rica. It drained off water through its little drainy tube, and it drained off water in other nearby places too, leading to a very unfortunately timed flood (see previous mention of Kevin Bacon). So I got two pop bottles out of the recycling bin (which, ssh, don't tell the actors just got thrown in the regular trash in the end) and cut the side out of a Coke bottle and the bottom off a water bottle, jammed the open side of the Coke bottle under the leak, gaffed the water bottle onto the top of the collection bottle, aimed the top of the Coke bottle off the edge of the table and over the top of water bottle, and crisis was averted. Everyone was very impressed. If they ever make a sequel to Apollo 13, I am sure I will be called.

This all brings us back to the gaff tape and the dead bee. Our current theatre has a serious bee problem. Or maybe hornet. Whatever they are, there are a lot of them, and they live in the wall and the gap between the wall and the big old loading door that doesn't really close in the strictest sense of the word. Lots of us have gotten stung. This is, as we say in the theatre, bad. So some Einstein who shall remain nameless ordered my friend and I to go tape over said bee-dwelling with the biggest role of gaff tape we had. The friend in question has a bee allergy. I simply have enough sense not to go dive into a bee-hive armed only with a roll of gaff tape. We said, nicely, no. Einstein said, "I don't want any more bees in here." I said, "I too want there to be no more bees. However, I also want a tall, dark and handsome man, and I don't really see myself solving that with gaff tape either." I said it in such a way as he didn't hear me though. In the end, the buck got passed to Scenic, which may or may not have sealed the door, but they did put a very stern sign on the door that reads "DO NOT USE THIS DOOR OR AN ANGRY SWARM OF BEES/WASPS/HORNETS WILL DESCEND ON YOU." Unfortunately, the bees did not get the message. Perhaps next Scenic can fashion me a boyfriend.

Everybody Keep Your Pants On

Alright, alright, I'm not going anywhere. The blog stays.

And for the record, I have no way of writing with any degree of specificity (which is what makes it interesting) and maintaining anonymity. If I were an accountant, sure. As it stands, not much chance.

I also think I've figured out a way to do my "League of Magnificent Actors" series and keep myself out of trouble.

And I've started a new song cycle. It rocks my world. Maybe I'll post some lyrics.

So all is well. And I'm getting furloughed to New York for TWO WHOLE DAYS next week! Civilization, here I come!

I Wish

I'm sick of politics. I don't understand how good, kind people could dislike someone merely for voting for the opposition. I don't understand why people can't disagree and still find worth in the other. I don't like being in a profession in which I will always feel like I have to watch my back because of my politics. Where one of my mentors really would like Republicans dead. Where one of my professors described Republicans as 'amoral fascists.'

I'm a libertarian. I strongly believe people have the right to be wrong. As long as they're not doing too much damage, I'm willing to let them go on that way. I can still love you if you're wrong. I wish I wasn't afraid that other people couldn't extend me that courtesy. I wish I didn't care.

When I started grad school, basically no one knew that I was a heretic. They found out gradually, and for the most part, they all still love me. They tease me about being an amoral fascist. I own it.

But I'm always afraid that other people will find out. I don't have the guts to open my mouth and say, "hey, I'm a heretic" when it comes up (or maybe I just have the sense to keep my mouth shut). It's not worth it.

When it comes down to it, I haven't lost anyone yet. Except maybe for one friend -- when she told me she was planning to go to Palestine to stand in front of the homes of terrorists, I couldn't think of any words of encouragement. I think she was hurt. I wish it wasn't that way.

Sometimes I think I should just take the blog down, destroy the evidence, go underground. What I do in a voting booth, no one has to know. I've learned to bite my tongue or leave the room. I could live like that. For a while.

I wish I weren't afraid. I wish I had no reason to be.

The League of Magnificent Actors

I was about to write a post about all the actors with whom I've worked this summer who happen to be magnificent human beings. I was going to mention them by name, just in case anyone was ever googling them, so that it would be known that they are kind, wonderful people. But then I realized that said actors might google themselves, and come here, and maybe poke around, and then realize that I'm a political heretic. And that would be bad. The other night we were at a party and someone said something about a crew member from last year that went something like this, "She was a Republican from California, such a striking, lovely girl, and then I found out she was a Republican and she was no longer attractive." I'm not trying to attract any of these folks, and I don't consider myself to be a Republican, but I suspect that doesn't matter. So what should I do?

So yeah

It's been like a month since I've posted. In my defense, I've been working 7 days a week, frequently 12-16 hours a day, writing two musicals, and living in a curtained off portion of hallway. Something had to give. Now we have a few minutes downtime and wireless in the theatre. Good times. I've been collecting post ideas in my head for a while, so I'm going to try to make it up to you, really.