First up, Cate Edwards. What's up with the hair and outfit? Not my favorite.
This is John Edward's daughter, who is slightly older than me. She is doing what Teresa should have done last night. She's doing the "Gee, my mom is swell" routine, and then the "my dad is the most magnificent human since Jesus" routine. She's human, she's personable, she seems like the sort of person I could be friends with as long as she didn't find out I was a Republican (which is, shockingly possible.)
Alright, the choreographed signs are kinda creepy. They all have Elizabeth signs now. She's speaking. Not the best dress for her either.
Now we're going to to end the injustice of Two Americas. See post re: Obama.
Elizabeth is taking about how John Kerry is like her father. It's almost Electra-ish.
John was Santa Claus to poor kids. He coached young people's teams. This qualifies him to be the President of the PTA, not one breath away from the Presidency of the United States. As Bush said when asked what the difference between Cheney and Edwards is, "Dick Cheney can be President."
Apparently John Edwards is optimistic. This is still much better than Teresa. The vertical, red Edwards signs are vaguely remenicent of Red China. Or a bed of anemones.
Now here comes John. It's like Vice President Ken Doll. John Edwards has a mole on his upper lip, marring his fabled beauty. Personally, I'd take Bush-in-a-flight-suit any day. This speech is brought to you by the word, "smarmy."
He asked "How great was Teresa Heinz Kerry last night?" Not at all.
John's parents are here. Even THEY don't look that old. There's an abnormally large adolescent sitting behing them. Not a big guy, the perspective's just wrong.
"I want to talk" (chanting) "about our next president. For those who want to know what kind of leader he'll be, let me take you back about 30 years ago. He graduated from college and volunteered for the military yadda yadda yadda."
Once again, we're getting into the piccolo/conductor problem. Or rather, piccolo/composer problem. Whole different kettle of fish. Did Edwards just say that "Your problems are [Kerry's] problems"? Right... Kerry doesn't have student loans and I'm not henpecked. We have different problems.
Aren't we sick of relentless negative attacks? As opposed to those positive attacks? "This is America, where everything is possible." No it's not, you ninny.
John Edwards loves his country. His father was a millworker. Other millworkers had lint in their hair. Now little Johnny is able to afford hair care products, but he still remembers the linty masses.
He has spent his life fighting for the linty masses. The fact that he became a millionaire using junk science and helped drive up insurance and health care costs is not mentioned.
Now he's riding the Two Americas bit. He's preaching that everyone can be a part of an equal America, essentially. George Orwell to the Farmhouse, George Orwell to the Farmhouse. Now he seems to be abolishing private schools, or at least saying that everyone's schools should be equally good. Do his kids go to private schools?
"Two different economies -- people who are set for life and people who live paycheck to paycheck."
So we just abolished the middle class.
"Gonna get rid of tax breaks for companies that outsource."
Teresa's gonna be pissed.
"We're going to reward work, not just wealth.:
Then how about you actually reward work? Like by letting the people that work for the money KEEP the money.
"So now we're gonna pay for healthcare. And a tax break if your kid is the first in the family to go to college."
"How are we going to pay for this? He's going to pay for it by hiking takes on 2% of Americans and close corporate loopholes."
And somehow create high-paying jobs. Which corporate loopholes. And where are the companies going to get the money to pay these employees?
We have children going to bed hungry, without clothes, etc. There are not that many of those. I don't feel like finding them right now, but the standard of living for the American poor is much higher than the standard of living for average Americans 50 years ago, and is still better than for average people in most of Europe.
"Raise the minimum wage."
Or we could just print more money. Then everyone would be rich. My tunnels are carping.
"Say no forever to any American working full time and living in poverty."
You know, encouraging marriage would be a good start for that. Marriage almost automatically lifts people from poverty.
Why we need One America -- he saw segregation growing up. That doesn't explain why the money I earn should be redistributed. We should talk about race and civil rights everywhere. Would you talk about it in a box? Would you talk about it with a fox? He's talking about two different Two Americas.
Now we're at war, so we gotta be One America. "As a member of the Senate Intelligence Committee..." (more on that later -- not tonight)
"When John is President, we will listen to the wisdom of the 9/11 commission." When George in, that definately won't happen.
Edwards did the "You cannot run, you cannot hide, we will destroy you" bit. I can't see Osama trembling in his boots over this.
We're back to harping on Vietnam. Bingo Card #13 is sounding like a good bet.
Veterans benefits -- I support those.
We're stretched thin. There are brave people fighting in Iraq. Did I mention the Kerry was brave?
"Restore respect in the world, bring allies to us. It's how we won the Cold war, it's how we won two World Wars."
No, dear, it isn't. We won the Cold War by arms-racing the USSR into bankrupcy and the only way in which our allies came to us in WWII was in that "Help, help, we're being blitzkreiged!" sort of way. We were isolationists then, John. We didn't build broad coalitions because we didn't need them.
We'll be safer if America's looked up to and respected. If we are respected in the world, apparently we can then bring the soldiers home. Interesting. I don't understand that causal relationship.
"Hope is on the way." Oh good grief, they have "Hope is on the way" signs. They're like a weird flag corps. I'd never seen Edwards in action before. He seems like someone who Hollywood cast to portray a young southern politician. He's a bit shifty. And he blinks a lot.
Praise God, he's done. His kids are cute.
(Song: "You can feel it all over." That would have been a good song for Clinton...
Man, I hope the GOP raids the Copeland catalog and acts like grownups. )